文文，好长时间不来这里写东西了，但再次读起你写给我的文字，我的心是这样刀割般难受，我一直认为你爱我没有我爱你爱得那样深，现在我才觉得我错了，你跟我的爱是一样的，只是我们都有些误解，只是都不太理解我们各自的做法，也许最后你能明白我，我也不用多说，如果我们认定会在一起，这些经历也许对我们都是很好的经验教训。文文，现在再看你写给我的文字，是一个纯情少女写给我的心里话，我好想你，不知道你现在过得好不好，我都不敢去问候你一声，怕惊扰了你，心里很难过，你是个好懂事的孩子，我却是如此执拗，不去听你的解释。。。。。。真的的好爱你，文文，你能感觉到我要和你过一辈子的决心了吗？特别是再看到你写的“怀孕”的事，现在才理解你当时的心情，一个妈妈的心情，你当时的压力好大阿，而我却在笑你幼稚，我真想抽自己嘴巴子。文文，不知你还在恨我不？你恨我也罢，爱我也罢，我这辈子就要定你了，不管你看不看得到我这篇文章，你知道我们在妈妈坟前的发誓，我没法不去履行，文文，我最爱的文文，如果你不要我了，我也就一辈子都不要结婚了，我就孤苦伶仃的过完这一生，我再也不恨你不懂事了，再也不怪你不关心我了，因为我以前本身就不理解你，现在才知道你要和我一起去奋斗，不要我沉迷下去，乖，你现在还在怪我吗？我是个不太合格的老公，而我现在才发现你是个多么优秀的妻子，文文，我爱你！

      乖文文，还记得你老公能憋气2分多钟吗？还记得我们在长城上刻下的名字吗？还记得我们的温馨的小屋吗？还记得我你是我们村饭店的总经理我是董事长吗？还记得我们雪地里踩出的心型吗？还记得我们漫山遍野地放火吗？你为我放弃了寒假学英语的机会来跟我一起回家，我带着你起着你的破自行车满街转，我好想跟你你在一起，现在也好想，一直都好想，我生日那天去北京找你你不见我，我难过得回来了，我真的好难过啊文文，你是我未来的妻子，可是我却不能见你一面，我沮丧地回来了，文文，你真的不知道我有多爱你吗？我伤害过你，请你一定要原谅我，妻子不许生丈夫的气，你以后无论怎么惩罚我我都不会生气，可是请你一定不要再生我的气，时间过了这么久，我以为我能忘记你，我可以一个人生活得很好，可我现在才发现我不能，我不能没有你不能没有你的爱，文文，请你告诉我你也在一样地在爱着我，没有你，我不能独活。。。。。。

      文文，我还等你。。。。。。

我伤害过你
你难过地离开
我要站在这里
等你回来
别万一你回来的时候
我已经不在这儿等了
那你该有多伤心啊
你那么脆弱
我怕你承受不了
我在等的
一直在等……

1、你是我的第一个男人
2、从后面抱着我睡觉，我乖乖地蜷成一团，不转过去看你
3、半夜醒来的时候替你掖好被子
4、吃你喂给我的你认为好吃的东西，并且也觉得好吃
5、不打听你不想我知道的任何事情
6、相信你的每一句话，不揭穿你的谎言
7、努力适应你的生活方式和生活的圈子
8、友好地对待你的朋友，把他们也当作是自己的朋友
9、在你的朋友面前给足你面子
10、继续做你喜欢我做的工作
11、把头发留长，不烫卷，不使用者哩水等让头发变硬的东东
12、控制饮食和锻炼身体，以保持身材的苗条和改变太平公主的现状
13、为你剪指甲，让你改掉有心事就咬指甲的习惯
14、拉你一起去广场上吹肥皂泡泡
15、收起我的坏情绪，自己擦干脸上的泪，你看到我的时候我会尽量多的微笑
16、在电台点《天使与海豚》送给你
17、珍惜每一次和你的会面
18、在卡拉ok唱《勇气》的时候打电话给你
19、买烟给你，但是只买一点点，因为吸烟有害健康
20、让你背着我在屋子里打转
21、趴在你的肚子上和你一起看电视
22、一起洗澡，帮你擦干
23、看a片，学习做一个解风情的女人，而不一直是天真的小女孩
24、为爱变成一个笨笨的小女人
25、替你洗衣服，特别是臭袜子
26、帮你擦所有的皮鞋，不管你什么时候需要穿哪一双它们都是干净的
27、陪你到菜市场去买菜
28、吃光并称赞你做的菜
29、跟爸爸学会做他的金牌红烧蹄膀
30、保证手机的畅通，你随时都能找到我
31、告诉妈妈和你的故事，她有权了解谁把女儿变成一个女人
32、和你在卫生间里你好
33、好好保存你送我的每一件东西
34、用一个pp的小本本记下你发给我的每一条短信
35、默默地等你回来
36、不再见网友
37、你开心时比你还开心，你难过时比你还难过
38、真心地认为你做的每一件事都是有道理的
39、去照相馆拍情侣照，做成漂亮的小册子，我还要穿婚纱
40、把那只小熊一直放在床头
41、介绍我所有的好朋友给你认识
42、保护你不受一点委屈
43、申请一个我们的邮箱，写好多情书放在里面等你去看
44、每年都从家来看你
45、倒水哄你吃药
46、偷偷扯你的衣服角，提醒你要少喝酒
47、在你苦难的时候绝不放弃你
48、随时做好准备跟着你背井离乡
49、答应你的求婚，哪怕没有玫瑰和戒指（如果有这么一天）
50、在你不再爱我的时候静静地走开
强烈建议： 凡有女孩能作到以上任意10条 那你娶她吧 没错的
................................20条 你要努力娶到她啊
................................30条 死皮赖脸也要娶到她
................................40条 拼了老命也要娶到她
................................50条 估计这种女孩已经绝种　了 据说天堂里有可能找得到（这种女孩你别说娶她了 就是亲眼看见过都是你的福分！）

在以后的岁月里蚌偶尔也会张开壳，砂粒还能看看外面的世界，这时他就看到那另一粒砂也在不远的地方凝视着自己。砂粒知道，世界是美好的。因为在光阴无法侵袭的海底，有另一粒砂在等待着自己。 

    不知道过了多长时间砂粒忽然觉的蚌动了一下，不久蚌被打开了，映如眼帘的是海面、阳光、船和人等。人类用欣喜若狂的眼看着这粒砂，他环视了一下自己，发现自己已经变成了珍珠。这粒珍珠在人们眼里真的太大了,真是无价至宝，可对珍珠的制造者——死去的蚌——无疑是个痛苦的意外。很快珍珠被镶在王冠上。已经变成了珍珠的砂粒觉的悲哀，但是并不绝望，因为他知道，另一粒砂正在海底，痴痴地等待。

     砂粒看着百官朝拜，看着国王的老去，看着帝国的衰落，终于有一天国王死去了，王冠成了陪葬品，被放到棺材里，当他听到墓穴被关上，心里想着的是在海底等待自己的另一粒砂。他并不惊慌，因为他有的是时间，他曾经为了两尺距离整整旅行了两亿年。

     黑暗的墓穴并不寂寞，时常有老鼠在他身旁经过。他独自待着不知道时光的流失，有一天墓穴被打开，两个盗墓着把王冠偷走了，还有这里珍珠。很不幸，他们因为这个珍珠打了起来，可是双双死亡，这粒砂被掉到河里。这粒珍珠感到一辈子也没有过的希望，他知道世界所有的河流，到最后都要流到海里，那样他就可以在去海底找他的那粒砂，也许要经历无穷的岁月才能到达最初的地方，可是有什么关系呢？他知道另一粒砂一定会在海底做永远的等待，望穿秋水。 

     很快雨季来了，发生了泥石流，珍珠被埋到砂里，他开始绝望，但是他想到地也在动的，而且比自己还要快，他又有了希望。

     又是一个漫长等待。珍珠开始慢慢的脱落，砂粒又露出了本身。他觉得自己很干净，他可以一尘不染的去见另一粒砂了。

     上面传来了机器的声音，这是一个金矿，砂粒和其他的石头泥土在一起被扔到一个罐子里加热，直到这时他才发现他是一粒金砂。很快他被熔成了金砖，放到一个不知道名的金库里了。砂粒在悲伤中度过了很多年，想到海底的另一粒砂就觉得心如刀绞，但是他还是安慰自己：“还会有机会的，不可预知的未来也许再次把他恢复成一粒砂。”

     金砖被做成一张唱盘，记录着人类的语言，还有海的声音。直到唱片被装上发射架上的时候，这粒砂才有一些惊慌，他问自己边上的黄金，我们这是去那里，其他的黄金说：飞向宇宙，向其它可能存有生命的星球出发。正在这时火箭发射了。

     砂粒看着越来越远的地球，在整个宇宙中地球显得很美丽而脆弱，他忽然明白自己永远不可能再回到大海了，回到没有诺言就在海底无尽等待的自己的那一粒砂面前了。他有着骄傲的历史，他曾经是世界上最美丽的珍珠，最纯的黄金，现在他是一粒飞上宇宙的一粒砂。可是比起来他宁愿做海底的一粒砂，哪怕在自己所爱的砂粒面前呆上一个小时就灰飞烟灭；仅仅是为了两粒砂之间可怜简单的爱情。

宇宙之中传来了一粒砂的哭声，飘荡在无尽的黑暗中，良久不决……

Then there streamed a water current, huge suction floated the sand,and he was absorbed in to a hole.He took a last glance at his far-flung trip,stared at his beloved sand,absentmindedly,found no word to depict his moods.The hole closed,and darkness shut in,and he knew,he was arrested by a mussel.

     In the following years, the mussel would open his shell for times,and the sand could see the world outside,and at that moment he saw the other sand star at him nearby.The sand knew,the world was beautiful,because,on the  time-erodeless seabed,the other sand was waiting for him

摘要：这是去年2004.11.30 12:36 pm写的，不知今年是哪天在杭州和你开始聊起来的，我的聊天记录重装系统后没了，你查查你的/。呵呵，那时就觉得会有人来到我的心里。　查看全文

摘要：please do not laugh at my poor translation and give me some advice to improve it.I really astounded by your dedication for homestead,I like it ,what's more ,is the arrow made of gold or lead? ha ha ,in fact ,I am sure I know the answer　查看全文

忽然有一种很想写信的冲动，虽然我还不知道它将寄予何人，寄向何方。我所唯一能确定的，是我的笔尖将汩汩不绝流淌出许许多多的墨汁，因为我的心灵，她想说话了。

我就坐在师大一间暖意融融的教室中，耳边飘浮着人解老师浸透浓重乡音的普通话，这一切使我怀着一种淡而适宜的心情，悠悠引导着自来水笔尖墨香浮动。

左面雪白的墙上悬着茶紫色的窗帘，疏疏掩去了大片的阳光，只从两叶幽垂的帘布缝隙中透过丝缕绚烂又柔弱的金色。半檐青瓦定格在时间的片断中，相伴着一只驯鸽冲天而去的身影。这条条光与影的缝隙仿佛一座座小桥，让你有了一个通道去猜想整个的冬天，去拥抱那高远的天空，采撷苍然的颓木，去聆听一个玻璃一样清脆的世界。

还记得大约是一个月以前，被室友半邀半迫地拉着替院刊写了一篇叫作《木铎秋踪》的文章，里面有这样的句子“两排冰蓝的砖墙夹出一抹青色的天空，默默地，幽幽地遥望着这条坠叶如烟的小路，路旁依偎着插天的法国梧桐与婉约的银杏，一是浪漫的绅士，一为优柔的淑女，并肩相依，叶雨在空中缠绵翩跹，双双扑落在恋人飘扬的粉色绒线围巾上”当时真是爱煞那北国的秋了，一条落英缤纷的小道的温柔就把我揽入了他的胸怀，随着他清凉高爽的气息一点一点急促了心跳。而今那满树胡蝶似的的金叶已尽皆飘逸，一夜北风，秋的背影遁迹天涯，但冬天及时地来了，他传承了秋的苍然清癯，更进一步把那种冷峻和大气发扬到极致，如果说秋还是一个神清骨奇又脱不去脆弱忧郁的少年，冬已经长成一个成熟有力又孤高动人的男子了。在朔风中行步，直面着疾飞而来的落木，生命仿佛得到一次彻底的清扫，有时总感觉只有猛烈的北风梳篦过的世界才是清明的世界，只有飒飒寒流涤荡过的灵魂才是干净的灵魂，冬的意义或许就在于为春天万物萌发清理出一方纯洁的土地，而寒冷的意义或许就在于让人更加珍惜一个拥抱的温暖。

我喜欢北方的冬天，也喜欢北方的男子，虽然他不一定高大，他的背影却一定伟岸；他的双肩不一定宽阔，却一定可以担起我的世界，我相信北国的寒风会赋予他一个坚强的性格，我也相信视野的开阔会造就他一个宽广的心胸。但他并不是象高岗上的铁塔一样，麻木而生硬，他会痛，会哭，会伤心会无助，就像我熟悉的道旁的法国梧桐，他枝叶间的空白需要一棵银杏树的温柔来填补。这让我想起舒婷那首经典了一个年代的《致橡树》：……根，紧握在地上；叶，相融在云里，每一阵风过，我们都相互致意，但没有人，听懂我们的言语。你有你的铜枝铁杆，象刀，象剑，也象戟；我有我红硕的花朵，象痛苦的叹息，象深沉的慰藉。我们分担寒潮、风雷、霹雳，我们共享雾霭、流岚、虹霓，仿佛永远分离，却又终身相依……

我生在红豆的故乡，长在山水的怀抱，柑橘甜蜜的香风伴随了我的整个童年。睡梦中还依稀浮现奶奶的背篓，摇摇晃晃在连绵起伏的石阶上来来去去地颠簸。记忆中，从赤裸的脚掌初着大地，就一直在连绵不绝的青山间奔跑行走，山的坚毅与缠绵也许就随着那一串串脚印刻在了我的灵魂上。还记得幼年在长江中戏水，用身体在沉稳的江水中搅起细细白浪，把一块玉色的浑圆莹润的鹅卵石埋在一个只有我知道的地方，埋在伴随了我好几年的梦乡。许多人曾笃定地断言我有北方的血统，的确，南国少见的高高的个子，对面食的热衷，对朔雪飘飘出雁门的向往以及粗枝大叶的作风和时常不经意迸发的哈哈大笑，等等，等等。但我却深深知道，二十年的时间早已为我烙下了深深的南国的印记，虽然那不是吴侬软语的温柔，不是菱歌荡桨的清扬，甚至也不是传说中重庆女子的泼辣与热情，那只是无法言说的情节，不能吐露的神伤，无端的失落与寂寥，正是寂夜的孤灯下只为我一个人准备的夜宵。入梦前夕，我时常蓦然想起不知哪里看到的一句诗“她躺在他的胸膛，仿佛一条河熟睡在另一条河的怀中.。”我钟爱这个比喻，在白日的冥想中，我常常化身为一条奔流的河，时而寂静，时而欢涌，抚摸曲折，润噬山石，淌过凄清的山麓，也淌过开阔的旷野，在天地间吐纳呼吸，滋润两岸的生灵也接受自然的哺育，水色清凉是我神清气爽，水色浑浊是我黯然心伤，我叩问自己的心灵，正是呼唤着另一条河，呼唤着熟睡在他温柔又宽广的心胸，然后我们融会在一起，向着生命终极的大海奔涌，再然后，化为云，化为雨，融入生命周而复始的循环。

奔涌的过程中也流经了数不尽的歧途，家楼下那棵皂荚树掩映的石板凳上或许至今残留着我昨日的泪迹；一个望尽万家灯火的小山丘终于用淡淡的忧伤终结了一曲短暂的快乐……记得初二的时候，班主任特别担心我这个问题学生，一次熄灯以后悄悄走进我懑寝室，在我的床前静静看了我好久，我紧张地装睡，却清楚地感受到他的呼吸，还有许许多多更为久远的琐屑与细微，当时不曾留意的，日后回想起来都化为了浓浓的感激，在生命中的雨季，似乎总有亲人师友为我撑起避风的伞，而我也深深明白，他们在我身上种下的爱，希望能发芽，生长，绽放，把芳香永永远远地发散流传下去。很早很早我就对自己暗许誓言：要尽我的全力爱我的爱人，爱我的亲人，爱我的友人，爱所有我能够爱的人，但随着时间积攒，我才发现我的能力是多么薄弱，很多时候，不仅不能很好地关爱他人，连自己也不能抚慰。我很多次试图深入我的内心，想看清她到底是晴空还是雨夜，但这却并不是一件容易的事，我只能窥视她的发丝衣袂，窥视她的冰山一角。我不知道自己是什么样的，至少不准确地知道，但我明白我想要的是什么，是阳光，是快乐，是让和我一起的人感到幸福。我希望每天能变换不同的花样做出营养又可口的早餐，希望能微笑地看着他和孩子们开心地狼吞虎咽的样子；希望能亲手为孩子们做世界上独一无二的衣服，并在秘密的地方绣上他们父亲的名字；希望能在周末或假期两个人去爬山、去游海，去领略世间的每一点奇迹；希望能在一场羽毛球赛的间隙坐在一起大嚼零食；希望在读过一个感伤的故事或诗篇后，可以躲在一只温暖的手掌的抚慰中畅快地哭泣，低低地倾诉；希望能在他生病的时候好好地照料，让他感到温暖和幸福;希望……这个仍然属于未知的世界和我握在手中亟待挥霍的岁月为我铺设了太多太多的幻想，虽然在吹起这一个个透明的泡泡时我就了结他们可能一一破碎的命运，但我仍然愿意带着这些梦幻泡影走在我现实的生活的路上。罗素曾经说过，有三样东西支撑着他的人生：对爱情的渴望；对知识的追求；对人世间一切苦难无法克制的怜悯。我欣赏他的理念，倾慕他的思想，梦中也无数次“撑一只长蒿”，在康河的柔波中漫溯，在星辉斑斓中放歌，用我微末的智慧和努力为人间增加一份欢笑，减轻一份苦难，当我年老的时候，可以挽着着他的臂弯，悠闲地背靠历史，笑望来生。      

                                           Wen Wen

                                                              2005-12-12  17: 25

 

 

2005.12.12             3.20P.M(Start)

阳光很明亮地洒满了屋子，照在我的书桌上，照在我电脑上，听着《Fool Again》这首歌，吃着萝卜馅的大包子，喝着自己煮的小米粥，就想起了蛋壳壳同学这个小傻瓜，这个和我在爱情方面一样傻的女孩，我们都是那么的需要刻骨铭心真心付出的爱情，哪怕是被伤害也要真心的爱，不愿顾及那些糟蹋爱情这个神圣字眼的那些世俗，在我们遇到一起的时候，还没有见面就禁不住地感觉到了对方的心跳、心里是怎么想的，我能感觉到你是个活泼可爱真诚善良的小姑娘，你能感觉我吗？你细腻的内心让我感觉再也不能像以前那样对待女孩，要好好的呵护，感觉她的每个毛孔都是那么易碎，都不忍用手去碰，只觉得应该用世界上最柔软的羽毛去抚慰。

我是如此渴望去爱，渴望被爱，名利不是我终极追求的目标，应该只作为创造幸福的一个条件，但是我愿意用我的所有来换取一世不朽的爱情。渴望你能感受我的快乐、痛苦和忧伤，同样，我也愿意聆听你的心声。我知道，爱太深容易看见伤痕，爱太重也会压得人喘不过气。你知道吗？文文，我多么喜欢你在我耳边呱呱呱的说话，听你高兴的笑，虽然我没见过你，不知道你是什么样子，但我知道你是多么可爱，多么真诚，我永远都不会去骗你，永远都要对你说真话。你也是个善解人意的女孩，很能理解别人的心思，别人的痛苦你能感受，别人的快乐你会为别人高兴。你是那么喜爱孩子，那你一定会成为一位温柔的妻子和慈爱的母亲，也许是因为刚刚失去了妈妈，我对充满母性的你是那么的眷恋，经常扣动我心底最深处的心弦，让我常常感觉妈妈就在我身边，乖，给你打字的时候，我又不争气的哭了，是呀，你说对了，巨蟹座的男士经常喜欢哭，我就是其中最不争气的一个。文文，我不知道要怎样来爱你，我有点手足无措，上天对我很公平，我失去了妈妈，又让我遇见了你，我以前做过很多的错事，不知道老天会不会惩罚我让我不能和心爱的女孩在一起。有时候又觉得你还是个小姑娘，而你常说我已经很老了，嗯，我可能是老了，我特别喜欢孩子，特别想要自己的孩子，不知道什么时候能有我自己的孩子，也不知道我会和你怎么样，是呀，未来是不可预知的，可是我们却有权利去争取，也许你见了我根本不会喜欢我，也许扭头就走也说不定，也许会很喜欢，都说不准。我妈一直说我很有女人缘，从在医院出生的时候开始，呵呵，那时候在医院出生的都是女孩，就我一个男孩，那时候可能希望要个男孩的多，于是吓得爸爸整天守着我在摇篮边，生怕被人换走。

在重庆生活了三年，也学到了很多东西，至少让我明白了女朋友是用来心疼的，而不是自己的一个附属品，听说过这样的话，女孩子都是天使，因为喜欢凡间的那个男孩，抛弃了天上的一切来到凡间受苦，所以男孩子要好好对待自己的女孩。

以前的时候太看重女孩子的外貌，但现在才发现不是最重要的了，最重要的还是内在的品质，温顺贤良却敢做敢为，善解人意，感情真挚，不慕奢华，但有所追求，懂得争取什么，也懂得什么应该舍弃，当然，女孩子总是有些小脾气，适当让她发发也不伤大雅，要不怎么能体现出男子汉的宽宏大度呢？小样，你有多大脾气就发，我要好得让你发不出来，让你幸福得不知所措！

我决心以后要好好对一个人，心里要想着那个小傻瓜，如果在一起了要帮她洗头发，因为女孩子的头发长不好洗，没有男爷们那么省事；有时间就要帮她洗小脚丫，因为帮她捏脚的时候，她会开心的笑，先想这两条，以后再想起什么别的再说。呵呵，吃饭去啦。

                                 2005.12.12  5:49P.M (Finish)

 

 

The First Kiss Carved on the Wooden Desk

                    By  Zhensheng

                    Translated by Wilson Shao

                     For Wen Wen

Chapter 1

   Ever since I entered the university, the color of the sky got bluer and clearer. Out of the dormitory’s window was a street which grew lots of gingko trees, and there would be many golden leaves fell on the balcony in the morning. At that time, I was a girl of 18 years old, liked the gingko trees, blue skirt, and reading novels in the balcony.

I often went out to buy packaged milk of 950ml and candied plums in beautiful paper bags. In the spreading shade of dusk, I walked along the street which covered with yellow leaves, with an ice-cream in the mouth.

I decided to be a simple girl, so I led a life of having nothing to do but reading. Sometimes, my heart was filled with grieves for no reason, so I was fond of a guy. I didn’t know why I noticed him. For period, I often met him. I would be nervous when he passed by or appeared in the same occasions.

Sitting in the reading room of library, I looked up, and oh, it was he!  His eyes, bright and blinked with vigor, rantankerous but so handsome, I knew, a man couldn’t get a girl’s heart by his appearance, but his, attracted me a lot. His eyes, can stare you without wink, the pupils of his eyes were jet black, but the white of the eyes was interspersed with cruel and a kind of shyness i in his long eyelash. He was a extraordinary boy. I liked him.

In the evening of April 25th, 2000, I found him walking along the street, when sit in the balcony. He wore a black T-shirt and a cap with the peak backward, covered the back part of his head, a basketball under his arm, just liked a little rogue, strolling slowly toward the distant playground. As the gentle breeze brushed against my blue skirt, my melancholic heart melt in his fading away figure.

Then, I went to the playground and watched him playing basketball with other classmates from distance. They are all boys, and some of them noticed me, and whispered, all of them turned back to look at me, probably, they thought it was funny that a girl stood there without aword. He turned back several times but without expression.

They didn’t create a disturbance, and went on playing. I suddenly felt that I was stupid and unenlightened, so I left.

 I decided to forget him, but an opportunity was coming later. In the sports meeting, I saw him again: black T-shirt, peak backward cap, indifferent expression. I told my friend I liked that boy. She looked me up and down, and said:

“He doesn’t seem like a good boy.”   

“No, he doesn’t.” I knew he didn’t like a good boy, but I still liked him. We walked after him and arrive at the location where his class lied. This time I knew he is a junior of department of computer, and one grade higher than me.

From then on, I would smile to his classmates, just like the proverb “love me, love my dog”. I often cultivated my speeches and deportment, and decided to give him a perfect impression whenever I met him. I had imagined many ways I met him, for example, I carried books under my arm, would be rushed into by him; Or, I wore a beautiful skirt, would be noticed by him; Or, I was knocked down by the car, would be helped by him; and so on.

Chapter 2

But it didn’t act as what I had imagined, In fact, the meeting was so simple. I saw him in the library that day, there was only a desk between us. I passed him a paper without any rhetoric words, on which was my own name. I had no courage to see him, and lowered my head onto the desk. When I looked up, only to found that he had gone. I felt deeply regret. The feeling of being refused really made me frustrated. At that moment, I even wanted to commit suicide, I wanted to cry, but no tears.

I stayed in the library very late, I felt helpless and deeply depressed, liked was drenched all over. However, when I went out of the library, I saw him sitting on the stairs. He seemed to have waited for a long time. He stood up, lackadaisicaliy, looked at me, smiled:

“fool!”

I was so happy at that moment that I couldn’t speak out any words. He held my hand and sent me to the dormitory. Then he asked for my library card and took out the photo attached to it. He put it in his pocket and walked away.

When we dated again, I wore a new skirt which was bought for the dating especially. I thought he would certainly know the reason why I made such a solemnly appearing on the stage. He smiled gently. We walked a long way. When we came back, he gave me all the things mentioned in our conversation, detective novels, his photographs, the songs tap of Zhang Chu.

Subsequently, our department was dispatched to Cheng De, I missed him day after day. In a strange city, I wanted to buy all the lovely things. I felt all the love songs be describing our love. I bought many delicious figs which had an ugly appearance but had sweet taste and lots of small seeds. I went to the cinema with him when I came back. We ate the figs, and had a good time but an afflictive stomach, probably, this was the taste of first love. On the way back, there was a gingko tree, we looked into each other, expression in his eyes got rantankerous again, but I busted to laughter,  considering the fig seeds in our mouths, how could we kiss? I turned my head aside..

“Do you love me, Ouyang Zi?” I asked.

“I don’t know. I am not sure.” He answered, looked at me, and smiled.

Chapter 3

Someday, he came to me, and told me that his former girlfriend came back, he had to stay with her. At that moment, I didn’t act elegantly as the actress to give him a slap, I was so angry that I threw at him a stone on his chest. He said nothing, and walked away. I cried for a long time and felt be badly hurt.

I returned to the simple reading life. I never saw him again, was it necessary to meet again? As a boy like him, I should have known the result of falling in love with him,how could he have only one girlfriend in his life? What I wanted was the eternal love, just contrary to what he could give me. That afternoon, when sitting in the balcony reading, I suddenly burst into tears. Time elapsed, he graduated.

During the graduated days, the dormitory was in a mess, some of them were crying, some of them were drinking, some of them left. That night, he suddenly appeared. There was only myself in the dormitory, he came to my dormitory without knocking the door and without any words. He pulled me out.

We walked to the gingko tree beside the cinema, he pushed me to the stem of the tree, said:

“Xiao Zhen, I want to kiss you.”

I didn’t refuse, only closed my eyes, and asked:

“Ouyang Zi, do you love me?”

At that moment I found I deeply love him out of the control of my mind. His breath was close to my face. Suddenly he released me without answering my question and left me a word:

“fool!”

From then on, I had no more illusion to him, I cleverly analyzed the relationship between us,------I was just a doll when he felt lonely. What he had done was only the teasing to me. As time went on, I graduated and had a boyfriend who was the son of our headmaster. Because he loved me, his father loved him, we could stay at the school to be teachers, and would marry soon, and would lived in the building with four bedrooms, two living rooms and a garden.

My life was comfortable but boring. The only work I had to do was calling the roll every week and marked the name with a red bar under the name when somebody was absent, I didn’t want to punish them like other political assistants. I was popular for my flabbiness.

Chapter 4

How time flies! The new freshmen registered. I found there was a name called Ouyang Quan. When I called his name, he stood up. I was astonished .

Absolutely, he was not replica of Ouyang Zi. Xiao Quan is just Xiao Quan. he was a relative of Ouyang Zi’s, a lovely and talkative boy. He told me his little uncle Ouyang had a happy life now.

I got the situation of Ouyang Zi’s through Ouyang Quan. I began to miss him, day after night. I knew it was wrong to do like that, but I could not control myself. I went to his hometown when I dispatched out.

According to the address Xiao Quan gave me, I came to Ouyang Zi’s office, he walked out, the sun shined over his shoulders, when we met, he was a little surprised. We looked at each other ,but had nothing to say, so he took me home to have dinner finally.

He had had a child, and lived a simple life. His wife obviously didn’t know the cases happened between us before. She gave me a kind hospitality. After the dinner, I had to go, but I had never got the explanation and the kiss many years ago, I wouldn’t reconcile.

Sometimes I was stubborn, I asked OuYang to set me off. When walking on the road, I asked him:

“Do you in the word love me? Why do you changed so much?”

He suddenly got irritated:

“What do you want me to say? I made her pregnant, I must be responsible for her. She is the only love in my life. This is my choice. I don’t love you at all.”

We departed coldly. I got busy to prepare the wedding after I came back.

People often said, the majority of first love would always fail, I was a mortal and I could not escape, either.

It was a spring afternoon in March, 2004. The whole school was busy in cleaning the classrooms. When I passed the classroom, a freshman suddenly shouted out, he showed me to an old desk. That was a very old desk in the last row of the classroom, almost was destructed by the borers, but the words carved on it were still clear, I found my name and some crooked words:

“Xiao Zhen, I’d rather you never see these words, if you have seen, I would never set my mind at ease in the rest of my life. I love you. How can  not love you? I really regret that I have made a mistake. The punishment it took for me is that I will never kiss the girl whom I love most and can’t live with her forever.”

Below there words there was a big kiss trace carved the other one which drew by a red ball-pen.

The students applauded, and I smiled in the goodwill of these youngsters:

“What a practical joke!” I said.

But burst into tears when I turned back.